Sunday, January 1, 2012

Sewing


I still have to touch on the body image issue, just not today. This is my latest creation made from a free pattern on the internet and cotton/poly/spandex jersey. Not my best photo, but people see me looking way more embarrassing every day. Actually, I'm almost never embarrassed about how I appear, only except when captured with a photograph.

You see, we move through life making all sorts of faces, sounds, and smells. Those fade with time. That's why a live performance is so good, but a single mistake on an album lives on and on, over and over, making itself more noticeable with each play.

Maybe this is a bit about body image.

My dress form was made in an evening while watching television. I ate and drank, I used the bathroom. Kyle kept telling me that I'd distort it. I said a body in motion is for how clothing should be made. After several hours and several layers of packaging tape, he carefully cut the dress form off me. As soon as I saw it I was mortified. I was inconsolable. I was a humongous monster. That is how I've seen myself for most of my adult life, and especially my teens. Lets face it, with no shoes on, I'm six feet tall. I now accept that I will never fit the norm. It took me years to come to terms with my height, and size.

Guess what--- I'm not a size 4, 6, or even 8 (although once a store named The Limited tried to drastically make bank on vanity sizing and I was a size 8, once, only that one size 8 fit me that one time, ever). On my *best* times I've been a 10, but then I was being talked into it by awful verbal abuse by a guy that would say things like "you have such squishy thighs", he did way worse than that, but it is of no matter any more.

I'm usually a 12. No big deal right? But then there is the whole weight thing. Right now, I'm at 183. My driver's license says 150. At my thinnest I was at 155. I could sit in a bikini and my belly looked acceptable (to me). I smoked, a lot.

I've not smoked more than 3 cigs in about 2 years. I run now, so I know I actually have more muscle which weighs more than fat. I can run over 3 miles, I like it.

So here I am at 183, sucking in my belly.

I ate some really delicious food and lots of sweets this holiday season. I bet I put on 20 lbs. I'm not pleased with my looks right now, but I'll be OK. The most important thing is to feel good. I really want to run this weekend.

I'd also like to know what measurements are appropriate for a 6 foot tall woman. I've searched and searched.  Maybe I should stop and call it good when I'm happy. Which I guess is right now.

Stupid Barbie.

11 comments:

  1. I'd say whatever measurements you have right now are perfect for a six foot tall woman. Wow! You look fantastic!

    Funny story for you- when I was a kid I would dream of either being five feet tall so I could bat my eyelashes and get my way, or being six feet tall so I could beat people up and get my way. I secretly preferred the idea of the latter, but with a grandmother who was 4'11", I knew the odds were slim. I ended up 5'5" and 3/4, and I hang on to that 3/4 like I am 4 and a half years old.

    I'm insanely jealous of your height, no matter how difficult I am sure it is to buy clothes for. But you look strong and powerful and HOT and you should own that.

    My two cents. And I wish I could run three miles in a row.

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  2. the shirt turned out awesome. i love that color on you!

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  3. I think you look great--what's even better is that you're comfortable with yourself--no more anguish over body image, etc. be nice if everybody could get to that level and stop wasting their lives wishing for the unimportant and unnecessary.

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  4. Body image programming in our culture just sucks, doesn't it?
    I think you look fabulous!
    I've had weight issues with myself even when I was this height (5' 5")and weighed 98 pounds (teenager, ice skating for four hours a day, every day, and mommy dearest still calling me "fat" in Spanish.). I gained over the holiday, but I can finally honestly say my primary goal is to get fit and strong, because I hate panting after walking up stairs and I hate that my upper body can't support me for a couple of simple push-ups.
    Screw the weight. I'd love to be able to run three miles without my knees killing me! Kudos to you for being able to accomplish that!

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  5. I think I found the measurements you were looking for 36-24-36. JK!!;)

    The truth is there are NO "appropriate" measurements for any woman or man, our bodies, each of our bodies are different. It's a kind of trap to think that we should all be the same, or even that we can. That's something that Madison ave. dreamed up. Moreover beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. And eye, for one, think that you are amazingly beautiful!

    It's unfortunate how hung up we can get on the numbers, oh I weigh "X", sigh my pants are a size "Y," I'm only "Z" tall!

    I think you're on to something when you're talking about forgetting all of that and focusing on how you feel. That's what I try to do. If I feel uncomfortable (the holidays have been very filling for me too so I'll see you on those runs) then yes I probably need to lose some lbs. But if I'm comfortable in my clothing, and I feel good, then I know I'm doing well.

    Also! You forgot to mention that after we cut the form off of you, and you started re-measuring it, you discovered (ahem as I forewarned!) that it WAS a distorted representation of your body, because of all that wriggling around you did while I was Papier-mâché-ing you!

    Also Squishy Thigh Guy is an asshole (who is wrong) and I now want to punch him.

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  6. Good for you, Kyle! I'm positive we all had a "Squishy Thigh Guy" in our past who needs a good punch or two.
    And screw Barbie is right!
    I've had body image problems, seems like forever. I weighed myself this week, predictably I'd gained some weight over the holidays. But, unpredictably, I didn't beat myself up for it. I just vowed to keep up with my running (3 miles 5 days a week) and to keep on adding some pushups, etc to my workouts. I'm also contemplating running another marathon (oh horrors, I can't believe I just admitted that online) possibly next spring. Life is good sometimes if we just let it be.
    I think you look great, and I've always thought so.

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  7. Oh thanks Victoria, you run a lot more than I do. Good for you! All squishy thigh guys can jump off a cliff in my opinion.

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  8. As the shortest and fatest person in our "gang" believe me when I say I totally understand the "body issue" thing. It sucks. But know that no one ever sees you as critically as you see yourself, we are after all our harshest critics (yes even harsher than the "squishy thigh guys" out there, mine by the way were "child birthen hip guy" and "embarrased to be seen with you in public asshole"). I'm just super impressed with your ablility to run 3 miles and sew and be amazingly crafty and cook and just be a genuinly smart kind person...all of which means way more to the people who matter than a stupid number.

    Oh I also found this web-site http://www.mybodygallery.com/ which I find facinating as it showes the REAL female form in all it variety and glory.

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  9. @ Suzanne, I found it as well. I even sent in some photos with my face blocked out to help the cause. I was going to make a post about it.

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